Daily Gamer: Get a Job

While I keep writing posts about my (mis)adventures in Sunless Sea, I didn’t even bother to say something about its parent game Fallen London, even though I’m playing it almost every day since two years. It’s time to right the wrongs.

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There is poetry even in being a butcher.

There are myriad reasons to like Fallen London, so many that I could spend the rest of my life writing about them. This is one of them: as the protagonist imprisoned in the Neath, you can do the most horrible things without feeling too bad about them, all thanks to the irony and melancholy of the narrative — a welcome change after playing dozens of games where choosing the traditionally ‘evil’ path has absolutely no appeal to me (I’m looking at you, Bethesda Games!).

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Shards of Glim: Zeen It All

So it’s really happening. After spending mere 323 hours with Sunless Sea, I’ve just managed to finish my first Ambition quest. The Eighth Captain has completed his obsessive journey, visiting every corner of the Known Unterzee and collecting stories, rumours and whispers for his opus magnum: The Zong of the Zee.

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Now the Eighth Captain is a respected member of the high society, and even more, a new shining star on the literary horizon, resting on a mountain of Echoes like an old, wise dragon. But sometimes, not too often, he wakes up in the middle of the night with his heart pounding and asks himself the same question again and again:

What if had flown away with the monkeys?

That’s right, shortly before finishing my captain’s career I discovered an option for another non-standard game over in the Empire of Hands. For a short moment, I was even being tempted to do the stupid thing and choose it instead of accomplishing the Ambition quest. After all, mere zailing is for the plebs, the true aristocrats of the Unterzee would rather soar under the false stars. Well, I guess that now my newly born Ninth Captain has a purpose in life…

Shards of Glim: Why Porn is Bad

Normally, when I’m playing a videogame, I pride myself with using hints, guides and walkthroughs only as a last resort. Usually, it will be a game-crippling bug which will force me to search for a solution on the myriad of forums and wikias. After all, each playthrough is supposed to be MY story, a unique trace (stain? )left on the canvas provided by the Creator Gods.

Sadly, all to often I’m tempted to cheat just to overcome a single obstacle which stops me from enjoying an excellent game. Today is such a day of shame.

The blame goes to the immortal counterpart of all my Captains. While they are born and die on the Underzee, he stays back in the twisted dark alleys of the Fallen London, unstoppable despite wounds, madness, the outrage of the society, and even the merciless progress of time. A mere caprice made him send an unexpected, and as it eventually turned out to be, an unwelcome gift to one of the Captain Dynasty. That gift, returning with each new incarnation, was a box with an indecipherable lock, a perfect bait for captains looking for fame, fortune and fate. The requirement for an access to its mysterious content was a rather laborous journey to a few different locations.

As a result, I found myself with an impressive amount of pornographic books on board.

They are called Romantic Literature within the game setting and are usually obtainable in the Khanate’s market. As it is to be suspected, the only possibility to sell this type of merchandise in the glorious Imperial capital is to ‘pay the customs duties’, as the information text kindly informs, and after the books are edited by the censors, they can be finally sold to the God-fearing citizens. Ironically, although the Sixth Captain was a smuggler, pirate, and generally a person who shouldn’t be trusted by the authorities, custom officials proved to be unusually negligent. A most troublesome situation, because the illicit cargo was occupying one third of my hold space, preventing me from undertaking longer voyages.

After a few short distance trips, my patience eventually ran out and I did the worst thing: googled the problem. The solution? Return to London and wait for the customs office. If they don’t show up, repeat until they finally decide to carry out their duty. So I’ve just lost another tiny part of my self-respect for nothing. My load of Romantic Literature was inspected about two minutes after I read about it on a Sunless Sea wikia. Once again, my impatience costs me much. From now, playing the game will not be the same as it used to be, because the single Google search for a solution actually ruined the feeling of discovering an uncharted territory.

Things to remember for the future: NO PORN ON MY BOARD!